Almost a Spoiled Christmas - Part One

My favorite thing ever at Christmas time is to give someone a present that is truly a surprise and I know 100%, without-a-shadow-of-a-doubt, kick-you-in-the-crotch, all-time positive that they are going to love it. I get giddy to go shopping for certain gifts that I cannot wait to give! My turn-around-time from the second a gift purchase enters the apartment to being wrapped and under the tree has been clocked at 2.5 minutes. I just can’t help it; I get so excited.

But this year…it was almost a complete “surprise” disaster.

I had three people to shop for: mom, dad, and “Charleston”

Mom, piece of cake. I love shopping for her – she is like playing with Barbie. Give her clothes, give her shoes, give her toys to play with, dress her up, dress her down and she is happy. She will sit in the floor Christmas morning on her knees and insist on being the last one to open her presents. When it finally comes her time she will have a grin on her face as if this is the only present she has ever gotten. She loves surprises. Well this year, my 7 ½ size foot went straight into my mouth.

Let me set the scene:
It’s a Tuesday morning around 8:00am and I am at the office doing the usual morning routine.

My phone rings and its mom. We begin to talk while at the same time I am listening in on several other conversations here at work and talking with a co-worker on IM. Besides work, I am a little stressed out because I just checked the tracking number on mom’s Christmas gift I ordered and the last update said: “LOST.” Ka-RAP, that’s never good.

Mom began asking questions and she could tell I was a little off-beat and distracted. The conversation proceeded as such:

Mom: “ Beana, you OK? You sound like you are busy or something.”

Blain: “I am fine, I just have stuff at work, I didn't have time to eat breakfast, I left clothes in the washer at home and I just checked the tracking on your coat and UPS said it was lost.”

(NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I just untied the bag and out ran that damn cat!)

Mom: (a chuckle as if she just transformed into one of her kindergarten kids giggling like they just heard a grown-up say a bad word)

Blain: “did you hear that?”

Mom: (he he he) “hear what?”

Blain: “no, crap, sh*t, ugh, this is no fun, no fair….did your Alzheimer's’s by any chance just kick in?”

Mom: (on the other end of the phone smiling ear-to-ear) “Beans, you got me a coat?!!!” (giggle giggle giggle like a kid on Christmas)

Blain: “ugh no, I am sending it back now. Uggggh, you know what it is. Ughhh, I wanted it to be a surprise. Uuuuuuugh this sucks.”

Mom: “no beans, I NEED a new coat. I want a new coat. Please don’t send it back!!! I want it!!!!”

Blain: “fine, fine and fine”

And, there goes the fun in Christmas present giving to mom. Did someone just hit me over the head with a stupid stick? How in the world did I just do that?!! I am so mad at myself.

Well,
That’s today’s story…check back tomorrow with how I came three seconds away from ruining dads gift; and I mean literally three seconds.