I was an orange in a juicer.
Emotionally drained.
Every ounce of feelings and soul had been squeezed out of me yesterday.
It wears and tears on my heart to make decisions without a concrete plan; especially a decision that effects someone else.
When I came to Charlotte in 2007, I was coming off a college track record of moving every year. I went from Lee Dorm on NC State’s campus, to a four-bedroom townhouse at University Suites, to the sorority house, to a five-bedroom house on Canterbury Street, and finally into a two bedroom house on Dixie Avenue with Allie. It was a vicious cycle of packing and unpacking; re-arranging and re-adjusting.
But when I got to Charlotte, I settled into an apartment with two friends that I called home for more than two years. For once it was nice to stay put. Last January though, with the push and pull of the economy, my two roommates and I made the decision to move to a cheaper apartment (but nicer) in uptown. We packed, unpacked, re-arranged and re-adjusted.
We were once again settled into a new three bedroom, 1500 sq ft apartment. I was ready to stay put for another (at least) two years. Well several months ago, one of my roommates, Anna, got engaged and informed us she would not be renewing the lease come January.
This news came as no shock and Leann and I thought we would simply find someone to move into Anna’s space. That’s when my head and my heart started going in all directions. I have shared living space and a bathroom since the day I was born. I have lived with roommates for the past 8 years and not for one second would I trade a minute of it but…when was it going to be my turn; become a “grown-up” and get a place of my own? I will have the rest of my life to share a space with a “roommate” (hopefully a husband) so with this pending move ahead of me do I make it solo? Do I get my own space? My own kitchen? My own bedroom? My own living room? My own bathroom?
As these questions were all lying on my heart because getting a place on my own means leaving Leann, I couldn’t ignore them. I also couldn’t ignore one other HUGE fact. Over the past three years, I have fallen in love with Charlotte. I see myself here; possibly raising a family here and establishing some roots here. Therefore, when will it be appropriate for me to stop throwing money at rent and ground myself in the Queen city with a house purchase? Is it smart for me to move into a two bedroom with Leann, sign a year lease, but then run into the possibility of finding my dream home next summer? If I have to break a lease, I force Leann to move out or burn myself having to find someone to sublease for me while I break the bank and purchase my very first home.
Therefore with all of these questions and possibilities, my insides have been eaten alive with emotion. I would never want to hurt Leann because she moved in as a stranger but has become a very close friend; I don’t want to leave her high and dry. But, I am ready to have something that’s “mine”; something that I will live in until I decide to move, not having to move because a roommates engagement or job change.
Well I did it; I made up my mind. I have decided come January, to get a place of my own. A two bedroom apartment or condo somewhere here in Charlotte that will be just for me. I stressed all day about telling Leann my decision but after discussing it with her last night, she was very understanding and supported me in my decision. That’s why I love her. That’s why over the past two years we have become good friends. She is an amazing woman.
So…long story short. For the first time in my 26 year history, I will truly be on my own in my own place. I’m going to have to learn how to budget myself a little better because inevitably it will be more expensive but I am excited for this new chapter in life!!!