Life's Lessons As A Woman

(This one was kind of hard to write. Its against my human nature to admit my weaknesses. I know they are there but bringing them to the public is simply hard. anyone agree? I like to come across as this confident woman but... we can't always be superwoman at every moment in life. We need these lessons to help us grow.)

Over at the blog, Enjoying the Small Things, Kelle Hampton posted today about Dove’s Self Esteem Movement. Simply stated, the movement is to empower women and young girls to be confident in themselves no matter how they were created or what cards they have been dealt throughout life. Kelle then posed her own question to her readers…What do you know now that you wish you would have known at 13?

I can’t say at 13 I needed to know tooooo much, but there is a piece of information that I wish I would have known when I was beginning to date and have serious boyfriends in high school and college.

You control your happiness, no one else. You are not dependent but independent.

It has been something I have struggled with... Ever since my first relationship in college I have let the man of my life at the time control me emotionally, robbing me of MY happiness. He never knew he was doing it and he never did it intentionally, but, I based my happiness on the attention, effort, and commitment he had to me and our relationship. Ultimately it was my lack of confidence in myself thinking that having him in my life, him wanting me, is what made my life happy. If we were ever struggling, arguing and not getting along, I felt as if my world was ending because I based so much of my happiness on him and “us”. What would I do if I lost him? No matter how much he might be pulling me away from the person that I was, I always allowed that silent control. My happiness was based on him. By secretly allowing someone to control my every thought, I lost myself.

Where was my brain? What in the hell was I thinking. My mother and father instilled in me that I am a strong and motivated individual and that the world was an open book ready for me to read every page. For so many years and relationships this loss of MY own happiness was a repeated tragedy. I lost "Blain" and the person that I inspired to be. My happiness was based on him; based on someone else.

It wasn’t until a couple years ago that a quick sharp turn in a relationship made me realize how wrong I had been for allowing this to strangle me. A relationship ended and for the first time in SO long I felt FREE. It was a sense of feeling that I had not had since high school. I was in control; my happiness was mine. I was a girl with an education given to me by my generous parents; I had a successful career; I had friends; I had my health; I had my family. No one could take any of that away from me and all of that was happiness. I determined my next move, not some guy. A relationship was not what was going to drive my happiness; not anymore.

Since this realization I have never felt better in my life. I am confident because I am happy on my own terms. This decision is mine, my happiness is mine to determine and why should I not wake up every day and be happy about all that surrounds me. Even though I still struggle with this at times and loose sight of the big picture, I have to take the time and reel myself back in. Remember what I have learned and where I don't want to go again. It might always be a slight struggle but my relationships since this turning point have grown and I have become an independent woman willing to support the man in my life but remembering to support myself at the same time. My personal happiness leads to a happy relationship, not a happy relationship leading to a happy personal life.

I control my happiness, no one else. I am not dependent but independent.