"No tellin' where it'll take ya"

It was one of those weeks of thinking. At some point I felt like I was standing still and the world around me was rotating faster than I could catch on. I was in such a routine of getting “life” done. I wasn’t able to do social things because of other commitments. I found myself sitting there wishing that I could catch dinner with a group of friends or go out with several guys I just met and now feel like I am totally neglecting. I found myself wondering if I am doing the right thing at this point in life. Am I focusing my attention in the right areas? Is it the right time for me to go back to school at night or do I need to get my life a little more settled? But then, what exactly is “settled”? It is that point in time where I have friends in all walks of life – single, married, some ready to have kids, some not even looking for a relationship. I have friends who love their jobs, hate their jobs, out of a job and back in school full time. What is right for me now? Where does the balance of work, school and relationships come from? There are bits and pieces from all of these lives that I want to pull together for me; but is it possible?

I kind of feel lost in the game of life. As I was driving home last night from walking Bear at the park with Preston, something came over me. This is MY life. I support myself – I pay for school, food, housing, car etc. I choose to live in Charlotte (which is probably one of the best decisions I have made so far); I choose my friends; I choose my activities and I do EXACTLY what I want and need to do at every second of the day. I have had this freedom for the past two years but this is the very first time it has become a realization. Maybe it is an inner excitement that I honestly don’t know what tomorrow brings that left this calm feeling over me as I drove home. I lost a lot of myself over the past year and I am beginning to get it all back. I am becoming who I want to be, not someone I feel like I should be. There were times in college and after moving to Charlotte that I formed myself to fit a certain crowd or a particular boyfriend. Although I learned a lot, I can say with certainty I wasn’t 100% happy. I wasn’t me. But, in the past three months, I have become exactly who I look forward to being for the next 90 years. I am happy and motivated; I am blessed to have the opportunities I have been given and the support system that surrounds me – but I guess I am striving to find an answer to the stirring question: What’s next?