Did I Read That Right?

I am a sophisticated individual; at least I try to be. Guys are the ones that joke about stupid, vulgar stuff and still giggle at the word “boobies” when said in public.

Yesterday I was at the gym, minding my own business, hauling ass on my treadmill while watching out the window at young professionals fleeing the uptown Charlotte area after work as if there was a massive fire drill. (I am totally a people watcher…but let’s save that for another post!)

Out of the side of my eye I notice someone hop on the treadmill beside me. As I glance over, I notice some sort of medical/health show on the TV between us. At my gym (Sports & Fitness) most of the TV’s are set to silent so that the TV then produces subtitles. As I am looking over, I notice the subtitles were reading something like this:

“An allergic reaction to penis can range from a minor irritation to a life-threatening reaction called anaphylaxis. Even a tiny amount of penis may trigger a serious allergic reaction. An allergic response to penis usually occurs within minutes after exposure. The most common cause of penis allergy is eating penis. Sometimes direct skin contact with penis can trigger an allergic reaction. Not all adverse reactions to penis are caused by an allergic reaction. It can be difficult to know whether you are allergic or intolerant to penis. If you have penis intolerance, you usually can have small amounts of penis with only mild symptoms. Talk to your doctor if you think you are allergic to penis.”

Half-way through this announcement I was laughing hysterically. HOW EMBARRASSING! I felt so immature for laughing at a conversation about penises but seriously…. A penis allergy? Eating penis (can we be any more explicit?) And being “intolerant to penis?” What the hell was this woman talking about? I pulled off my headphones and at the same time the guy on the treadmill beside me took his off; I noticed him kind of chuckling. (Thank goodness I wasn’t the only one!) We both kind of looked at each other and he reached over to the TV to turn the sound up. The next thing out of the ladies mouth was:
Peanut Allergy

Thank you TV subtitles for the shitty translation and for making me look like an immature FOOL (along with the dude beside me).