A Minor Meltdown

So it’s time for a little bit of honesty….about a meltdown that happened the other day.

I CONSTANTLY am paying attention to what I eat and drink. I am always thinking about calories in and calories out (minus a night or two on the weekend where every girl needs to let her hair down). I go to the gym at least four or five days out of the week. I feel like right now in my life I have never been healthier and my eating and workout habits have never been better.

When I look in the mirror, I am comfortable with what I see. Sure I could criticize myself up and down and draw little circles around areas that I want to fix but….overall in the mirror I am confident in my skin. I like my “curves” and have gotten used to them. When I go shopping, majority of the time I can buy just about anything I like; most styles work and I am pretty true to size top to bottom. I can say that when I am out in public I have confidence and I feel good in my own skin.

Like anyone, I was still looking to lose 10lbs or so but... I was happy.

Until….
The other night some pictures got posted to Facebook and I wondered “who is that girl?”


I looked heavy; in my face, stomach, and in my arms (my most insecure area). I honestly couldn’t believe what I looked like in the pictures because that is not at all what I felt like. I kept trying to convince myself that it was just the angle of the pictures and the way they were taken. (Although, the photographer was looking at me from that exact angle with his own eyes….. Is that what he saw of me?) I was ashamed and embarrassed. I HATED the way I looked in the pictures. I could not get over how heavy I looked, especially next to some of my cute and skinny girlfriends.

So I had a meltdown. I went downstairs and started crying to “Charleston.” He did what any supportive boyfriend would do and told me that I was beautiful and I did not need to worry about my weight. Yada-yada-yada. Of course it was all good to hear from him but it still didn’t make the feeling totally disappear.

In reality do I really look like I did in the pictures? It’s so hard for me to grasp because I FEEL so good right now. Ugh, it’s just so damn confusing because I think I am doing so well and I feel confident, but then, some pictures come out, and it just crushes my reality that I still have a long way to go before I am right where I want to be and happy ALL THE WAY AROUND.