A True Inspiration at 8 Years Old

As I was reading my friend Amy’s blog, I came across a recent post about Ellie, a precious little girl from Charlotte, who after fighting her battle with cancer for over two years, yesterday, gained her angel wings.

A million feelings rushed through me as I read through Ellie’s Journal written by her mother. It was beautiful.

Ellie Potivan reminded me today what it means to live life and be thankful for every minute we take a breath. She is TRULY an inspiration. My heart goes out to her wonderful mother (Amy) and father who, over the past two years described Ellie’s journey, truthfully and with all their heart on her website. I also reach out to Ellie’s twin sister Grace. At just 8 years old, I can never imagine the pain of losing your other half. Ellie is now in the right place to faithfully watch over her family, away from pain, hospitals, medications and treatments.

Please keep Ellie and her family in your prayers as they move forward with Ellie’s funeral tomorrow here in Charlotte and the many days and years that will follow them.

The following are pieces from the entries of the journal her mother Amy kept on Ellie’s Caringbridge website. Her spirit and grace as a mother is beyond words.

* It saddens my heart to inform you that today's Lung scan was tragic ... the growth is tremendous and our Ellie has about 40 tumors in her lungs. Some tumors are new... some are old... but the growth now is aggressive.

** As Ellie worked to control her pain and breathe... she said, "Mommy, yes... I can do this... I can get through the pain. I will be Ok Mommy, I can do this...I will be Ok". I hear her soft lips say then between small gasps of pain. Then Ellie said for my comfort, "I think I am feeling better Mommy." But her posture told me otherwise. Ellie would rather suffer silently than cause me pain to watch her hurt. As Ellie speaks, it is not the voice of an 8 year old... as we have said before... Our Ellie is an old soul, wiser than most of us in her spirit. Ellie is being heroic, our little cancer warrior, even in her darkest most fearful hours - she is still thinking of others feelings above her own. An angel sent to show us a new path and way to live our days.

*** In fact, only a week ago Ellie said to me, "Mommy if I die before you - I will be your angel and always with you." YUP... I almost drove off the road in hearing those words. I did finally respond to her, "Ellie that makes me so happy - sounds Great! And if I die before you - which I really hope happens - I will by your angel!"

**** As for our sweet Grace....This must be so hard for her, I just can't imagine her pain these days. Grace came home late night, after being at a friend’s house all day. My sweet twin daughter asked me, "Mommy how did Ellie's scans go today?" For the first time in my life during this disease I just said it, "Not Good Grace." Grace's face dropped "Mommy what do you mean is the cancer there?" I said, "Yes... Grace and it is growing."
I heard my mind shrieking "Amy what are you doing! This is so blunt, so cruel... this is her twin sister!" But, my heart said, "Amy this is the truth and you can no longer cover this to protect Grace... she now needs to be brought along on this journey."
Ohhhh... how sad this day is for us all.
So much innocence lost today... by Ellie and Grace.
Cancer Sucks.
When our Ellie heard Grace was sad (that Ellie was hurting) - Ellie was worried and sad for Grace, "Oh Mommy Poor Grace is she Ok?" I am like, "Ellie.. Grace is sad you are hurting." Ellie then says, "Mommy tell her to come in and see me - I am Ok.... I will be Ok".

***** "Mommy, I think it will be too much for me to travel to the beach house (where Ellie wanted to spend her final days). Do you think Faithanne, Savannah, Megan, Alex and Samantha can come to me?" These are Ellie's first childhood best friends in Wilmington, NC. I called our friends and within minutes the 2 families were packing their bags and driving to be with Ellie. She later asked also for Chloey and Emma and now a 3rd family will join us from Wilmington. Tim asked if this was a smart idea? I told him, "Ellie asked for this, this is Ellie's closure that is needed before she leaves for heaven."

****** "Ellie, only God knows our beginning, middle and end. He created us with a purpose in our lives and he sends us home when we have served as his messenger. You have been our angel, you have taught me more in your lifetime. I wish I could take it all away. But I can't. I have tried all I know Ellie to take away this cancer - but only God can. Ellie when you hurt, when you have fears... just reach out to Jesus. Ask him to hold you in his arms for comfort and take away your pains and fears. He loves us more than anyone in the world. Ellie if you hear Jesus calling you, Mommy will be ok. I will miss you desperately... but soon we will be together again." I am trying to slowly let her know, that she does not have to fight anymore, it is ok to fly.