Why is it so hard for me to admit that I am overweight? I am. I could stand to lose 20 lbs on my size frame. It’s just frustrating.
I think it’s hard because MAJORITY of the time I feel fabulous and beautiful. I talked about this issue in a blog post last year about how I feel comfortable in my skin and I am usually OK with looking in the mirror but, when I see a picture of myself, especially standing beside my friends, the weight really shows up and I get frustrated. As soon as I get that email notification that someone has tagged me in a picture on Facebook, honestly, I immediately panic. God knows my arm probably looks like a ham hock and I can’t get on Facebook fast enough to check it out and un-tag myself. Anyone else ever feel this way or am I just crazy and shallow? (OK, don’t answer that!) After reality hits and I see myself in a real setting, that confidence I had slowly gets chipped away.
I don’t want to feel this way…especially on my wedding day. I don’t want to look back at my wedding pictures and see my insecurities show up on the page like a pop-up book. I want myself on the outside to reflect what I feel on the inside; I am selfish and want the total package! I have already asked myself many times “why is it taking an engagement and wedding to make you want to lose weight?” and to that I say I don’t know. I should have cared about this five years ago but I was too lazy to take action. My wedding day will be the biggest day of my life (besides the day my niece Olivia was born!) and I want to be in the best shape of my life so that I start off my marriage in the right direction.
In order to achieve this goal I have decided that I just can’t do it alone. I have looked into personal trainers but decided that my problem is not the exercise aspect of the equation. I don’t mind going to the gym and working out. I love it. The issue lies in my eating habits. I try and eat healthy but I love food. I love to cook and don’t mind absorbing the calories if it means my taste buds are satisfied. I just lack portion control, accountability and all things in between. I need control of this side of the equation. To do this and get the support and tools I need, I have decided to join Weight Watchers through work. There is a group of 36 of us doing it together and we meet every Wednesday at lunch (in our office building) for the next 13 weeks. The best part is that WW is supported by our companies Live Well program so 75% of the cost is subsidized by Duke!
I am super excited now to learn some new things and get started but I will be honest, at first I was embarrassed to admit I was going to be participating in Weight Watchers. Admitting I need help to learn better eating habits and lose weight is 100% accepting the fact that no matter how I feel on the inside, I need help and am overweight on the outside. It is also admitting that I am not strong enough to make the right decisions on my own etc which, for someone as independent as I am, is VERY hard to swallow…….. BUT, walking around carrying this extra weight is THE most obvious way of saying I need to do something so...Which is more embarrassing - Carrying the weight physically on my body for everyone to see or going to WW once a week, admitting I need help and taking control for life?
First meeting was today and it was awesome! I can't wait to get jump started with this plan and hopefully keep you updated on my progress!
(Thanks for also letting me feel comfortable enough to share this with all of you! It was hard to push the "Publish Post" button because I'm putting my insecurities out there but, it feels so good to know I have support! )
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2 comments:
I did WW a couple of years ago and it really works. It's a lot of work having to count points and write everything down, but it really helps with portion control! FYI - the weight dropped really slowly for me - but it DOES work. Be patient!
I started using the point measurement tool this month and tracking everything on my own (no meetings or weigh-ins). You will have the materials forever so you can pick it back up again when you need to for free!
I also did WW a few years ago. After years of partying my butt off (or in my case, my butt on), I realized I was consuming more drinks and food (eating out was my problem) than my frame could handle. Being single at the time, I felt like I had to be more social, but it took a toll on my body. I am with you about "feeling the weight." I was just plain uncomfortable. WW lets you still have fun and be social but shows you how to balance it all out. One of the most important things I learned with WW was you must eat all your points every day. And, laminate your booklet they give you...it's going to get lots of use!
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