Time Goes By To Fast

On the way back yesterday from the much needed vacation in Wilmington with friends, as tired as I was my mind was running in circles. I was going between all I had to do when I got home – laundry, grocery, and dinner with P – to work, school and relationships. As my mind was drifting along the empty road ahead of us, I realized that this time two years ago was the happiest and scariest time of my life. Nothing could have prepared me for the roller coaster of feelings I was on during the first week in July of 2006. It was a ride that Bush Gardens couldn’t even beat.

I had just left Matt and all my friends in Raleigh. I had an apartment already set up in Charlotte with two girls who were almost strangers, soon to become more than just dear friends. I had “lived up” the month of June in Hawaii and by the pool in Raleigh, choosing for the first time since my freshman year not to work a single day. I was to start a new job in downtown Charlotte on July 9th and had no idea about the new city I was moving too or the people in it. As I was driving towards Kernersville from Raleigh with a suitcase in the trunk, one minute I was crying, the next I was singing out load and smiling. (If someone would have been in the car next to me for the entire trip down I-40 they would have thought I was on crack.)

Two weeks prior to this car ride, I was outside on a gorgeous day watching the boys play volleyball at University House. My phone rang and it was a call from home. It was mom. I answered it and walked out to the parking lot so I could hear. If you know conversations between my mom and me, they always start out with something goofy:
Me: “Hey momma”

Mom: “Hey Beana. I love you more than all the hairs lily cat left on my kitchen floor today.
What are you doing?”

Me: “I love you more than all the rays of sunshine I am getting now out beside the pool!”

(All spoken in a voice only mom, Blair, and I will ever understand - Drives dad crazy!)

But that day the conversation was totally different and I knew it from the start because mom said “Hey Blain.” She never calls me Blain unless something is wrong. She then proceeds to tell me that the doctors have found a tumor in her spinal cord and next week they were going to have to go in, remove it and biopsy it to see if it is cancerous. Immediately my happy little world – just graduated and had been to Hawaii, hanging out with friends and about to move to a new city with new adventures – it all seemed to crumble in my hands as I sat down on the concrete stairs outside the apartment. From there mom went on to explain some details but I didn’t hear anything else. Like she always does, she tried to play it off like it was no bid deal; it was just something that had to be done. I am not a surgeon but I am pretty positive that opening up someone’s spinal cord to remove a tumor is not a routine procedure.

When I hung up, I went back out to the pool and Matt immediately came over knowing something was wrong. He took me into the apartment I was living in with Downer, Dave and Ryan and I fell apart in his arms. Matt had no clue what to say to me to make it better but it didn’t matter, there were no words that would take back the last 15 minutes. Quickly a storm moved in over Raleigh so for the rest of the afternoon Matt and I sat on the coffee table and played guitar hero to take my mind off of what mom was about to go through. “Carry On My Wayward Son” will forever mark this day as it was played over and over again.

Within the next week, for the first time in my life, I realized the true power or prayer. After nights of silently crying myself to sleep and thinking that if something were to happen to mom – anything – I wasn’t going to move to Charlotte; I was moving home and even then, honestly, how could I function if something were to happen to my best friend.

There is one gene that I picked up from mom – the worry gene. I spent every day thinking the worst but tried so hard to hold it together so that mom would not see me upset. I played it off pretty well until the night before mom’s surgery. We had some friends and family meet us at the church for prayer with our pastor. Seeing the concern in dad’s eyes and in his actions I feel apart one final time in his arms, in front of mom and all our family and friends.

I spent the next day in my own little coma. Blair was at the beach with Sam’s family and after consistent insistence, mom made her stay and not come home “just for the surgery,” as mom would put it. (Maybe I get the hard- headed gene from mom too - even though if you know my father, I don’t have a hope in the world in the hard-headed department!) As much as mom didn’t want to make Blair come all the way home, I think I needed her there more than anyone.

The day of mom’s surgery flew by. Watching dad wear a path in the floor from the waiting room to the hospital lobby; visiting the baby floor nursery multiple times with Sarah, and just sitting beside Joan (my second mother) and Kathy (who held my hand the entire time),for the first time I knew it was going to be ok. My mom was being watched over.

After what seemed like 30 hours of surgery, even though I think it was more like 6 or 7, mom’s surgeon came out and told dad as soon as they opened up her spinal cord and it relieved pressure on her nerves holding the tumor in, they were able to remove the entire thing. I then remember specifically walking to a chair in the corner and just sitting down by myself. No one bothered me and allowed me to have my own little moment with God, the one that really saved mom.

After several minutes, Shelbie walked over, sat down beside me and placed her hand on top of mine which were clasped in my lap, and still not a word was spoken. When you have a family which is as tight and close as mine, talking is not needed for communication – we are there for each other.

That week following mom’s surgery was an experience I will never take for granted; I felt privileged. I was able to stay at home with mom 24 hours a day and take care of her every need. I honestly felt that she was too precious of a gift to let anyone else help, touch or do anything for her. She was MY mom and I wanted to do it – no one else. I had to fight back the all-too-often gut feeling of passing out as I bandaged and re-bandaged the permanent five inch “dent” at the bottom of her neck. I straightened pillows, cooked dinner for dad and I, flipped TV channels and was even a “make-shift crutch” in the bathroom on and off the toilet (mom don’t hurt me for saying that! I love you more than all the pieces of Charmin in the world !) I felt privileged to take care of her and she deserved the absolute best treatment.

That week, I learned firsthand the importance of family, friends and even more prayer. My mom had more people then she could have ever imagined praying for her, even people that had no idea who she was except for the fact that she was my mother. From the morning of walking with her into the Preop room, helping her change into a gown and turquoise footy socks while she sat there and shivered, something silent brought mom and I together that did and will forever change our relationship.

She is MY mom and no one else will ever take her place. She is my best friend; the kind I won’t find in any other friends. I am not sure if she even knew it, but that week something even grew in myself and mom and I appreciate her more than ever for being the spirit and person that she is. I am so thankful that God gave me all of my mother back that week and I am forever grateful.

All of these emotions were rushing through me on our drive back yesterday remembering what I was doing exactly two years ago. It is crazy to experience the twists and turns that life takes, and it stinks to think that maybe it took something this big in my life for me to become a better person and appreciate my family and the little things in life a little more - but . . . God has a purpose for everything.

I love my mother for all that she is and I continue to pray every night for the health of my family and friends. No one deserves to go through what mom did, but she proved to everyone how strong of a person she is. If I am ever presented with the same type of situation, I only hope to handle it with the grace that she proved to me was possible.

It’s crazy how fast two years can go by.